Not Afraid
by DorothyOz
Summary: Series of one-shots exploring Jack/Janet relationship starting with 'The Other Side'.
1. Chapter 1: Not Afraid

**NOT AFRAID**

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**A/N: please read**

**Title of the series:** Not Afraid

**Summary:** This is a series of one-shots that resolves around Jack's and Janet's relationship. It starts here with 'Not Afraid' that gives name to the whole series, because this short passage singlehanded created it.

**Genre:** Romance, AU, and a little bit of everything else

**Season/episode:** Starting on season 4 - episode 2 - "The Other Side" to the end of season 8

**Spoilers:** Stargate movie and Stargate: SG1 seasons 1 to 8

**Pairing:** Jack/Janet

**Rating:** K+ (If anyone disagrees please let me know)

**Warnings:** Very small and very soft sexual innuendo. There won't be sexual situations descriptive or otherwise.

**Disclaimer:** Read profile

**Acknowledgements:** Big thanks to my beta wackyjacqs:-D

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**NOT AFRAID**

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Not Afraid

**Chapter 1:** Not Afraid

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 2 - "The Other Side"

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I hear the impact on the iris, and I know that I've just executed a man. I did the right thing, I know it; but I look into her eyes, and she's looking back at me with distaste and fear. She never knew who I am; now for the first time she sees my real nature, and she fears me. She turns her back to me, and walks away. With that I know that she will never be mine, I know that she will never love me, and I let her go because I can't love a woman who fears me.

I stand on the ramp for what fells like hours. I feel the sorrow, the pain, the guilt and the darkness tied to my actions invade me. I close my eyes knowing that my team is no longer standing there, but when I open them a small brunette is standing by the closing blast door. She locks her eyes with mine, and walks slowly but determined towards me. I hear the impact of the blast door finally sealing the gate room, but all my focus is on her. I can do nothing but stare at her. _What is she doing? Why is she walking towards me? Hell! Why is she now standing on the ramp facing me?_ She's mere inches away from me, and she's looking up into my eyes. Such a petite woman, unarmed, defenseless… she's vulnerable… I wouldn't need a second to kill her, and she knows it. Yet she looks at me fearless.

I observe as she takes her hands out of the pockets of her white coat, and with steady hands reaches for my weapon; and I keep staring at her hands as they disarm me slowly, and meticulously. First my rifle, then my gun; my zat, and my sidearm follow. Those same hands give the weapons to the nearest SF, who is looking astonished to the scene playing in front of him. Finally, her hands reach for my vest.

She's so close to me, and I can feel her fingers on my shoulders while she slides the vest off… I keep looking at her hands. I'm mesmerized with them. She touches me without a trace of fear, and I still don't know why she's doing this, nor why I'm allowing her to do so.

She's still holding my vest half way out when she locks her eyes with mine again, and says, "You won't see them shake."

Finally, I understand, she's trying to prove to me with actions, not empty words, that she's not afraid of me. She can see my real nature; she sees the darkness in me; she knows how dangerous I really am; but she's not afraid of me. She knows who I am. She does not fear me.

My vest goes off, and it's also passed to the stunned SF. She tilts her head to the side, and studies me. I haven't moved yet, I haven't said a word, so she's trying to decipher why. She seems to reach a conclusion, an answer, or a decision, because her head goes back to its normal position, she nods, turns around, and starts walking down the ramp.

She takes no more than five steps, and she stops.

"You're first for the check-up. You promised Cassie that you'll help her with her English homework."

Her words sink in me, but so does the peacefulness in her voice, and I follow her letting a small smile appear on my face. She's what I need, and she knows it. The sweetness in her voice and her smile tells me that she knows that I've received the message loud and clear. My smile grows, my step becomes determinate, and I follow her to the infirmary filled with hope on a new, happier life.

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Teal'c and Hammond had been attracted to the control room by the commotion that the estrange scene had created, and observed the entire scene.

"What did just happen, Teal'c?" the General asked, a little astounded himself.

"I believe that O'Neill had finally found a worthy mate, GeneralHammond," the alien said in his ever solemn voice.

"That's what I thought. Make sure that he knows it too, okay Teal'c?"

"He does."

They both watch the colonel follow Janet out of the gate room, with a soft, small smile on his face. Hammond nods. The Jaffa is right, Jack knows, and the General leaves the control room knowing that Jack would be happy.

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	2. Chapter 2: Confessions

**NOT AFRAID**

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Confessions

**Chapter 2:** Confessions

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 5 - "Divide and Conquer"

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First we had to deal with the Tok'ra again to sign a treaty that I'm sure is going to come back to bite us in the ass. Then Major Graham tries to kill the Tok'ra High Council, and then he is blown up to pieces.

That's when the Tok'ra decided to inform us that the Goa'uld have a new technology to program orders in someone's brain, making them something akin to a zombie, and that they have a Zatarc - that's how they call the zombies - detector. These people are like time bombs programmed to kill someone, they don't know it.

Everything pointed to the fact that the Goa'uld were trying to stop the treaty, so the most probable targets were the High Council and the President. I would have thought that kind of information was important for the security of the event, but the Tok'ra didn't seem to agree…

Apparently someone decided that my day wasn't bad enough, because not only Anise and Freya were the ones in charge of testing everyone, but when the SGC personnel were tested three more Zatarcs were found: Lt. Astor, Carter and I. Lt. Astor was the first one discovered, and she paid for it with her life. Carter and I were confined until they discovered how to solve the problem.

You would think that it was enough, and surely my luck changed after that. Well, no, it did not. In fact, Snakehead Barbie came to my room wanting to seduce me. She just came in, and kissed me! It turned uncomfortable really fast. I rejected her, and she started asking why: if it was because she's a Tok'ra, if I was attached, if humans are sexually repressed…

I told her that I was attached but that wasn't the point. She should be investigating the Zatarc shit not trying to seduce me! I think that she got it, but she still wanted to know who my mate was… mate? What kind of way of describing Jan is that? Anyway, I finally got her to leave me the hell alone, and go to do some work to save Carter's and my asses.

Problem was that she discovered that just confining us wouldn't work. Once it became evident that we wouldn't be able to conclude our programmed mission, we would become self destructive. The only option was to try the same procedure that killed Lt. Aston on one of us, and hope that it worked. They also gave us the option of sedating us until they could find a cure, but that wasn't really an option. I refuse to spend my whole life sleeping. I agreed to do the procedure: if it worked I'll go on with my life, if it didn't… my brain may help Carter.

I told Teal'c that I needed to see Janet before going through with it, though. I don't think anyone else, aside from the Jaffa and Hammond, knew about Janet and I. Of course Cassie knew, but we only told her and Hammond, not even Daniel or Sam. I didn't tell T either. He just came to me one day, and told me that he approved of my choice of mate (that word again, must be an alien thing), and wished me happiness. We have only been dating a few months, and we have kept it to ourselves because we needed time to sort through some things without dealing with rumors.

As soon as the door was closed leaving us alone in my room, she was in my arms. We didn't have much time, so I held her tight, kissed her, and promised to do my best to beat this shit. I could feel how scared she was, and how much pain she was going through. Yet she was letting me do this, she wasn't trying to convince me to get strapped to a bed and drugged, and I felt proud of her strength. _God, I love her!_ I decided that if I survived this I was going to tell her.

Reluctantly, I broke our embrace, and allowed the SF to escort me to the isolation room for the procedure.

I was already strapped to the chair when Janet came into the room ordering them to stop. Carter was behind her saying something about us not being Zatarcs. She said the machine was reading our feelings, and because we weren't talking about them it thought we were Zatarcs. I didn't understand it, but I trusted her so I agreed to be tested again.

Again Anise asked me why I didn't left Carter, and saved myself. Again I answered that I couldn't leave one of my men behind to die alone, or worse be captured without our knowledge.

"Why?" the Tok'ra asked again. She was starting to be repetitive, in my opinion.

"Because I care, and because I've been there… and it's a shitty place to be!" I repeated myself.

_This is going nowhere fast… Carter said that there was something that we didn't or couldn't admit to, but what?_

"What were you feeling?"

"Like… someone that it's about to die."

I knew that the light was still red. I was missing something. I looked up, and I saw Janet in the observation room. She was frozen on the spot, with her eyes fixed on me. Those beautiful brown eyes were full of fear, hope, and love. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I was thinking about my life here, about what I would leave behind. I was thinking about Janet and Cassie. I wanted Janet's face to be the last thing I saw."

_God, could it have been more humiliating?! There really was no other way to expose my feelings in a more public forum!_

But the light turned blue, and Anise declared I wasn't a Zatarc. They freed me from the chair, and retested, and cleared Carter. She admitted to have feelings for me, but I didn't understand it. She's afraid of me; sometimes she's disgusted with my decisions: she had made perfectly clear that she didn't like what I did with Alar… how can she love me then? For me the answer is clear: she can't.

Now, she admitted to having feelings for me, but she told me that she could leave it in that room, and ignore them, that nothing had to change. I told her that if she could be professional about it, then I had no problem with keeping it to myself and keeping her in SG-1.

If I hadn't let her go after Alar, if I had loved her, I would have accepted it all the same, and waited for her to let those feelings out of the room. But how long would I have waited? Would she have wanted a relationship with me ever? How could she have if she fears me? Even if the answer was yes, after who knows how long waiting, would have it worked?

I decided to leave that road. I don't like dwelling on 'what's if's. The reality is that I let her go, and fell for Janet.

Finally, we noticed that Martouf hadn't been tested, and he was the Zatarc. Sadly, we couldn't save him, but no one else died, and the treaty was signed. It was a small victory after a really bad day, and Carter felt really horrible having to kill Martouf to save us. I knew she will need time to come to terms with it, and even once she does, she'll never get over it. I know it probably better than anyone in this base.

Once the summit was over, I was allowed to go home. I went to the locker room to have a shower before leaving, and Daniel cornered me there wanting to know more about my relationship with Janet, and why I didn't tell him. I was exhausted, and promised to talk to him about it the next day over a beer, if he let me go then. In a weird moment of clarity, Daniel understood that he wasn't going to get anything out of me at that moment, and he accepted my offer. The guy loves gossip almost as much as his rocks, so he'll push to get as much information as possible out of me. Tomorrow. Today I can go home.

Arriving to Janet's I found a sleeping house: the lights were off, the windows and the door locked, the alarm on… I let myself in, and for the first time considered that I've been doing that for more than two months already, and that I haven't been in my house in the last two weeks. We've gotten used to each other, and to our relationship to a point that we haven't noticed the changes. Or at least I haven't noticed them.

I saw a dime light in the living room, and I walked to the small lamp to switch it off. I took off my leather jacket, and let it fall on the couch, while I was at it. That's when I saw a small piece of paper beside the lamp, a note in Janet's almost unreadable doctor handwriting that said: "_I love you too. Get the Champagne from the fridge. I'll wait up for you. Janet._"

I did as I was told, picked the cool bottle, and went up the house to her room. I opened the door, and found Janet already in bed waiting for me. And… let's just say that my exhaustion left faster than you can say, '_I'm gonna be late for my lunch with Danny-boy!_'

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	3. Chapter 3: Decisions

**NOT AFRAID**

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Decisions

**Chapter 3:** Decisions

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 9 - "Scorched Earth"

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This was supposed to be one relaxed mission. We gated to P5S-381 to celebrate with the Enkarans; they now had a planet they could call home. We found them months ago slaved by the Goa'uld, going blind and dying because their physiological needs are very specific. We freed them, invested months in finding a suitable planet, and then we moved them here. Now they were celebrating; their villages were ready, and we were invited.

It was a party, and a diplomatic event, so it was expected to be safe and easy. I even convinced Hammond to allow Janet to come with me. She is not allowed to go on missions under my command unless she is the only field doctor available. That's pretty much the only restriction that Hammond gave us when we started our relationship. Due to her status as CMO she can even outrank me in certain circumstances, and considering that we've played the power game well in the past, the General thought that the only problems our relationship posed for the frat regs were Janet's evaluations - which he could do - and missions. Thus he forbade Janet from going with SG1 through the gate unless it was unavoidable. But in this occasion, I convinced him that it was a diplomatic event, and it may look diplomatic if I were to travel with her as my mate like Teal'c is so fond of calling it. Well, convinced may be a strong word. He knew that it was an excuse; I knew that it was an excuse, but he accepted the excuse and allowed it as an exception.

It was great to see these people settle down in their new land, and grow as a village, as a society; and I have to admit that I felt proud of the job the SGC had done for the Enkarans. We enjoyed the party, even if I was thoroughly embarrassed by Hedrazar when she announced that her grandkid will be named after me. Janet's proud smile almost made up for the embarrassment though.

Sadly, the party ended abruptly, when an Enkaran from another village came running to us for help. In that moment, the mission went from easy and safe to dangerous and disastrous.

A ship, a very big ship, was flying directly to Hedrazar's village and it was destroying everything in its path. We took samples and returned to the SGC to try to discover what was happening. We didn't like what we found out. The ship was transforming the environment of the planet to support sulpher based life, which basically meant that it was going to kill everyone on the planet.

The Enkarans refused to leave the planet, and even if they did, we could never evacuate them all. And after that, with their needs we could never find another suitable planet in time, we would be piling bodies long before then. Thousands of Enkarans were going to die if we couldn't stop that ship.

We used a transmitter hoping to be able to communicate with whoever was in the ship, and we were transported inside. There we found a bunch of tissue samples, that the three scientists thought were to recreate an alien environment from scratch. Yeah, you read right, I said three. Hammond allowed us to take Janet in case the Enkarans needed medical care. Her excuse, not mine, I promise.

There was also a robot, Lotan, he called himself. He had been made by the ship to communicate with us, or so he said. However, he acted more like a messenger or a PR guy than a diplomatic sent, or built, to negotiate with us. He made it clear that the ship would not be stopped because the transformation of the planet could not be stopped or the Gadmere's civilization would die.

The Gadmere were an advanced civilization wiped out by a war against a more powerful enemy. Before dying, they created this ship to be their legacy: they placed all their knowledge in it, and they provided the ship with the means to rebuild their planet and their civilization in a new place.

The Enkarans refused to leave the planet, Lotan refused to stop the ship, and Hammond refused to give me the man power and weapons needed to destroy the ship. I was out of options in a no win situation, and I had to choose between a ginormous library with some frozen alien samples of an already dead race, or thousands of living Enkarans, who were our responsibility from the moment we promised to help them months ago.

I made the choice of helping them, and ordered Carter to make a bomb with the naquadah reactor we had provided Hedrazar's village as an energy source.

Carter was again not pleased with my decisions but she obeyed her orders. Daniel was another matter entirely, though. He was angry and tried to talk with Lotan again. He was unsuccessful, yet with minutes until the detonation of the bomb, he went with Lotan to the ship. While he got Lotan to stop the ship temporarily, he still had no way of saving the Enkarans or plan of action, and he revealed our plan to Lotan and stopped the explosion. He ended finding an alternative, but that was after blowing up our only hope to save these people.

Lotan agreed to transport all the Enkarans to their homeworld, which the ship had found while scanning hundreds of planets looking for a suitable one for the transformation process. I got Lotan to transport the stargate too, so that we could reestablish our relationship with the Enkarans, and he did promised that 36 hours after leaving P5S-381 to the Enkaran homeworld our friends would be there and the stargate would be ready for our use.

We needed three days to bring everyone back to Hedrazar's village, even with the young men horse riding to the other villages to explain the situation, and using some jeeps that the SGC sent to help with the evacuation. Finally, in the morning of the fourth day, almost all the Enkarans were in the Gadmere ship ready to go back to their original world.

Only Hedrazar, her son, Eliam, and his wife, Nikka remained. I was talking to them, saying my goodbyes; I was promising to gate to their new world as soon as the stargate was working, when Janet approached us.

"Permission to speak and act freely and completely off the record, sir," she said completely straight faced.

I was pretty confused, but I nodded. "Yeah, what do you want, Janet?" I asked using her name to separate Jack from the colonel, in the same way she was trying to do with the doctor and Janet.

She nodded somewhat somberly, took a deep breath, and then, standing on her tiptoes kissed me softly but pouring her love into the kiss. I responded to it. How could I not? But after a few seconds, she broke the contact, and talked again. "I expect you back home in 36 hours or next time you put a foot in my infirmary I'll use the biggest needle ever."

I could not stop the smile from appearing on my face. She understood that I needed to go with them; I needed to make sure that they were really safe before returning home. I kissed her once more trying to tell her that I would do my very best to do as she ordered, and I watched her walk away and join the rest of SG1.

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"It's time to leave," Janet told the other three members of the team standing by the gate.

"What about the Colonel?" Carter asked.

"O'Neill will return to Earth once he is convinced of the safety of the Enkarans," Teal'c explained and Janet nodded confirming the Jaffa's assumption.

The team dialed the gate and returned home to debrief the General of the last developments of the mission.

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When I returned home two days later, we finally had a full debriefing with the General and the entire team, Janet included. The General congratulated us for our good job, and complimented Janet and me for our ability to stay professional. He even conceded us permission to travel together to diplomatic or medical missions as long as we keep being professionals. He advised, though, one screw up, and the concession will be rescinded.

After the debriefing, I wanted to talk with Daniel in my office. Okay, I wanted to yell at him, I admit it. I directed him there, let him in, and closed the door behind us.

"Look, Jack, I know what you're going to say… and you're right, I screwed up," he said. Just out of the blue, he admitted to be wrong, to screwing up, and without any yelling. I must say that I was astonished.

"Janet yelled at me already when we got back," he admitted sheepishly, and then proceeded to explain to me that particular conversation.

"_Daniel, come here," Janet ordered practically pushing him into her office, and closing the door behind them. "You disobeyed your CO, civilian or not, it doesn't matter; good or bad intentions doesn't matter either," she said firmly and raising her hand to keep him quiet until she was finished. "With still no way of saving the Enkarans you blew up our plan, you blew up their only hope. You bet thousands of lives on convincing a robot of changing his plans, when he had given no indication of even caring about it. You were arrogantly convinced that you could change his mind, and in your arrogance you risked thousands of lives to save an enormous library and a bunch of tissue samples. You got lucky, that's the only reason it went down so well. You were lucky."_

_You're angry at Jack, but believe me he's more angry at you. And he's right. He's the CO of your team; his job is to see the full picture, not only a part of it, and to make tough decisions like this one. You cannot go disobeying him when you please because one day someone is going to die because of it. This time you were lucky, maybe next time you won't."_

"So Janet yelled at you, eh? I knew she was ready for command, she's the CMO for a reason, but I'd never seen her give someone a dressing down." I smiled at him to tell him that he was forgiven. He made a mistake because he got carried away wanting to save everyone, he had good intentions, after all.

"You know, Jack, you two are weird… you're proud of her because she can yell at me as good as you could, and she seemed oddly pleased with you going with Hedrazar's people…"

I shrugged. I didn't expect him to understand. He surprised me, though, when we were already leaving my office. "But I think I get it… you're proud of her not only as a doctor but as an airman too; and she's proud of the honorable man you are." I smiled. What else was there to say?

We left the office, and started walking through the corridors of the base to the locker rooms. "O'Malley's tonight, say 1900 for team night?" I suggested, and Daniel nodded acknowledging the peace offering for what it was.

We were going to be alright. The team was going to be okay; tough decisions were made and will probably be made again, but we will get through them, we will be alright.

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	4. Chapter 4: Missing

**NOT AFRAID**

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Missing

**Chapter 4:** Missing

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 10 - "Beneath the Surface"

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During our time on P3R-118 O'Neill despaired. He spent his time as Jonah looking uselessly for his family in the passages of the underground facility where we were captives. His entire free time was spent wandering through those tunnels looking for them desperately.

Once he remembered the truth: who we really were, and the nature of our duty, he also remembered that they weren't in the tunnels but safe at home. Then he just wanted to return by their side.

Working together SG1 prevailed; we won our freedom and that of the workers. We then returned to the stargate, and dialed the alpha site taking all the workers with us. After reporting our situation to the alpha site commander, he informed GeneralHammond in the SGC, and we were allowed to return to Earth. The General, however, sent a medical team to attend to the workers just before our departure.

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SG1 was waiting by the gate for the medical team to come through. We had been instructed to greet them, debrief them, and help them a little with the refugees before leaving.

I couldn't wait for the process to end. After three weeks underground looking for my family, I couldn't wait to see them. I wanted to hug Cassie. I wanted to watch a movie with my two favorite women curled against me in the couch. I wanted to kiss Janet. Hell! I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to go home.

Then the Stargate kawhooshed and the medical team crossed the event horizon lead by Janet. I couldn't help myself; I smiled lovingly at her, walked to meet her, and hugged her tightly. I buried my face in the crook of her neck breathing her scent, while flushing her body to mine. For a second, I feared that she would become angry for breaking our agreement to be professional at work, especially because I was doing it in front of her team, her subordinates, not to mention the whole Alpha Base personnel. But it seemed that she decided to make an exception because she just returned the hug. Her fingers dug into my back almost desperately, and I knew that she had been just as desperate to find me as I had been to find them. I could feel her desperation as clearly as I could feel mine.

I was barely aware of the rest of the medical team walking past us to where Colonel Riley, the commander of the base, was waiting for them. All the same, my team dialing home hardly registered either.

I kissed her neck, breathed her scent once more, and reluctantly, very reluctantly, broke the hug. I held onto her hands, though, unable to let her go just yet. Janet took a deep breath before talking; she ordered me back home to Cassie, and promised to come back home ASAP. Then with a soft peck on my lips, and one last squeeze, she let go of my hands, and walked past me to join her team. The sooner she finished her job, the sooner she'll be back home with me, so I didn't argue. I just smiled at her, and waved goodbye with my right hand while the wormhole was established.

We crossed the gate, and we were greeted by the General like he always did. He allowed us to leave the base after the check-ups postponing the debriefing for the next day when probably the medical team would have something to report, and we'd had sometime for ourselves. Hammond told me he had called Cassie to let her know that I was on my way home, and I almost ran out of the base to meet her at home.

Cassie and I spent the evening together, making up for the lost time, catching up to the Earth-side events during my absence, eating pizza, and watching a movie. At least, that's what we did once I was thoroughly hugged by the girl, and she had cried out all her fear. I swear she bruised some ribs. Not that I mind, I hugged her just as tightly. Later, sometime into the movie, she fell asleep in my arms, and I carried her to her bed.

Without thinking it twice, I went to sleep in the master room. I was already in bed, half asleep, when I noticed that it had been a while since I've thought of this room and this bed as Janet's, since I think of them as _our_ room, and _our_ bed. _Maybe is time for us to move in together?_

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The next day, after driving Cassie to high school, I went back to the base for the debriefing, hoping that Janet was already back and we could both get a few days off. I honestly needed some private time with her after three weeks of missing her.

_Get your mind out of the gutter! I can hear what you're thinking, and you're wrong… well, not entirely, but that's not the only thing in my mind. Of course, I do intend to make love with her. I'm not a monk! But sex is not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about intimacy, just being with her, talking with her, having lunch, or even going out… It's been a while since we had time to go dancing, and Janet loves dancing. Yes, I think I'll take her dancing tonight. I just need to get Hammond to give us some time off._

At any rate, I was right: Janet had already returned from the Alpha Site having left her team to finish the job, and was ready for the debriefing. The debriefing wasn't as long as I had feared, and I was happy to know that the General was going to put the scientist to work on finding a nice planet for the workers, a new place they could call home.

By midday Janet and I were home with a week off to enjoy feeling relived to be together again. As soon as we crossed the front door, Janet kicked the door close, grabbed me by the lapels of my jacket, forcing me to bend down to her level, and kissed me.

The kiss was hard, passionate, and full of love, fear, and desperation. I responded to it purring into her mouth as much emotion as she was giving. I hugged her tightly, flushing her body to mine, and… let's just say that we didn't make it to the bedroom…

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**A/N 2: To everyone who put this story in their alert or favorite lists, and to everyone who reviewed: THANKS :)**


	5. Chapter 5: Oxygen

**NOT AFRAID**

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Oxygen

**Chapter 5:** Oxygen

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 12 - "Tangent"

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I knew loving Jack was going to be one scary thing to do from the start, but I never expected lack of oxygen to be responsible for the 24 longest hours of my life.

The X-301 test failed when a doohickey implanted in it by Apophis took over the plane and propelled Jack and Teal'c through space. Major Davis and Sam did their best to help them turn the aircraft around, but Jack's idea of using their missiles to maneuver it failed, and damaged the 301.

With both power and life support short, we were quickly running out of time.

Daniel called our allies, but the only help he found was from the Tok'ra, and it wasn't very helpful, to tell the truth. Anise explained they had an operative close to save them, but in a very dangerous position. They refused to tell us where he was, but with the little information Anise provided, and Sam's knowledge of their ships, we came up with the most probable planet to find the Tok'ra operative.

Daniel and Sam were getting ready to go. I went looking for the General, hoping I could convince him to allow me to join the mission.

"General, Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c may need immediate medical attention. A doctor should join the rest of SG1," I told him in the most professional voice I could muster.

He sized me for a few seconds. I knew he knew I was bullshiting my way into this mission. Yet he nodded.

"Okay, doctor, you have a go… but don't do anything stupid."

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Once on the planet we were transported onto a Tok'ra scout only to find Jacob, who was more than a little surprised to see us and less than happy about the situation, but more than willing to help.

We forced the ship to its limits… over its limits, I'd say, considering we broke it midway there. I spent the entire time praying they had found a way to stay alive until we could get there.

Against all odds, we got there in time.

Then it was a matter of getting them out of there and into the ship. Sam and I put our heads together and came up with a plan. They would have to blow the canopy of the glider and eject; we would catch them with the rings. The only problem with our plan was we found them unconscious, or more accurately Jack was unconscious due to anoxia, and Teal'c was in kel-no-reem.

Sam called them a few times trying to wake them up. It didn't work. Jacob gave them a little nudge with the ship, and what we got was an unfocused Jack.

"Jack!" I called for him, in _my-focus-on-what-I'm-saying_ voice, trying my best to get him to listen to what he had to do.

"Janet?" I could hear confusion and disbelief in his voice. He thought I was a hallucination.

I don't think I have ever been that afraid in my life.

Fortunately, he woke Teal'c up, and after a few seconds Jack was also capable of concentrating enough to do what we told him.

I would never forget the image of Jack and Teal'c floating in space.

Nor the relief I felt minutes later, when they were finally safe and warm inside the ship…

* * *

I had been feeling the effects from the lack of oxygen for some time when I made my last call home. I estimated we only had oxygen for three more hours. We were going to die in the damn glider. I sent a short message with the last report, and a goodbye for Janet and Cassie. I trusted the General to pass it by, and went back to sleep.

It was hard to sleep, but I must have fallen unconscious soon after, because the next thing I knew a scout ship was nudging us. Daniel, Carter, Jacob, and Janet were in the ship. The moment I saw Janet I knew I was hallucinating… or so I thought.

Turns out I wasn't, and after a few confusing minutes we were inside the ship. Daniel and Janet came running towards us to see if we were still alive.

I was still on the floor, and she was hovering over me checking my pulse, my pupils with her flashlight, and whatnot… she was in full doc mode.

I grabbed her hand, stopping her actions, and whispered firmly, "I'm okay."

I saw the moment she couldn't hold onto her professional persona anymore, and quite honestly neither could I. I pulled on her hand, bringing her down to the floor with me. She didn't resist. I enveloped her with my arms pressing her warm body to mine, and kissed her.

I heard the confusion in Jacob's voice while he asked the others what the hell was happening, but I really didn't care at all. I just kept kissing Janet as if she was the oxygen I had been missing in the glider.

With the way she was kissing me, it's safe to say the feeling was mutual.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think :)**

**A/N 2: **To everyone who put this story in their alert or favorite lists, and to everyone who reviewed: THANKS :)


	6. Chapter 6: Air

**NOT AFRAID**

* * *

Air

**Chapter 6:** Air

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 12 - "Tangent"

Continuation of "Oxygen" (chapter 5)

* * *

(Daniel's POV)

I knew that Jack and Janet had been dating for quite a while already, and I knew they were in love. Their desperate reunion at the Alpha Site following our stay at P3R-118 gave them away, and I saw how scared Janet was under her doctor-slash-airman persona during this mission. Yet, I would have never expected them to kiss inside the ship or in front of us in such a passionate manner.

Janet's body was almost on top of Jack's; she was holding onto his flight suit so hard her hands were almost white, and he was holding her to his body with a hand on the small of her back and the other buried in her hair. _When did Jack undo her bun?_

I smiled at the sight. They were really in love and happy, or neither of them would be letting their feelings show like this.

"20 bucks he proposes before April." Teal'c looked at me with a raised eyebrow silently telling me that my attitude wasn't respectful. He did take the bet, though.

"Your bet is not accurate enough, DanielJackson. You must choose a month. I will place my bet on January."

"March," I answered my Jaffa friend.

"Would one of you mind stopping these bets and tell me what the hell is happening?" Jacob asked more than a little confused.

* * *

(Jacob's POV)

I couldn't believe my eyes.

As soon as Jack and Teal'c were in my ship, Doctor Fraiser was all over Jack and seconds later they were kissing as if there was no tomorrow.

I've never seen Jack break protocol so blatantly. He does disobey orders but only when it's the right thing to do because he does believe and follows Air Force regulations, contrary to popular belief He is an airman through and through.

I never imagined him to be attracted to the petite doctor either, or that she could be interested in him. I'll admit when I first met him, I thought that he was interested in Sam.

A big part of me was glad about this development, even if I was confused as hell. It was evident that Jack and the doctor were quite happy with each other, which was a good thing by itself.

It also meant that Sam's career was safe; I didn't have to worry about her risking it or losing it to be with Jack. I respect Jack; I even like him, but I've always worried about them getting together and how it would affect Sammie.

Not even a year ago I was afraid Jack's feelings for Sam could get her killed. I feared he would screw up a mission due to those feelings and get them all killed. This had been my greatest fear even though I refused to think about it. Seeing Sam destroy her career for him couldn't compete with it. Now I was sure that this was no longer a risk.

On the other hand, when I looked into my daughter's eyes, I saw pain. The kind of pain someone suffers when their love is unrequited. I had to ask myself what on Earth could have happened since the last time I saw them to change their feelings. Then, I was sure that Jack was in love with Sam, but that she didn't love him back.

I heard Selmak's exasperated voice in my head saying I only believed that because I was lying to myself about Sam's feelings. I would never admit to anyone, other than myself, that she was right, though.

In any case, I was very confused about what I was witnessing, and hearing Daniel and Teal'c make a bet about proposals didn't help any, so I made clear it that I needed some Intel.

"Would one of you mind stopping these bets and tell me what the hell is happening?"

* * *

(Sam's POV)

I know I lost him since his confession during the Zatarc incident but, I never wanted to acknowledge it; I hid from the truth, until now. There was no way to deny the Colonel was in love with Janet seeing the way he was kissing her.

I heard Daniel and Teal'c make a bet about when Colonel O'Neill will propose, and I saw my father's confusion written all over his face, but I could only feel pain.

I lost him when we came back from Euronda and he killed Alar. I wasn't sure what happened exactly, but I knew something about that mission made him decide to let me go. Somehow this event allowed Janet get under his skin and since then his feelings for our CMO grew unstoppable over time.

I'd seen evidence of that love for a while: his confession in front of the Zatarc detector, their embrace when they met at the Alpha Site after our time on P3R-118, Janet's fear during this mission, her worried face every time we were about to gate somewhere… _Damn, I really should have known!_ When I saw how cozy they were during the celebrations on P5S-381 before we knew about the Gadmere's ship or their kiss before he left with the Enkarans to their new world. Surely the fact that they were willing to acknowledge their relationship by announcing it to the galaxy at the Enkarans' celebration should have told me how much in love they were. Yet I hadn't wanted to accept it until now.

I had to admit that it was painful to watch him kiss Janet with so much love and passion.

I decided then that I had to let him go and move on. I never wanted these feelings I have for him because they complicate our work way too much, and being unable to have a relationship with him only brought me pain. Still really letting go of my feelings for the Colonel wasn't easy and it hurt.

I felt my father staring at me but I refused to meet his eyes. I couldn't bear it at the time. I heard him ask for an explanation, and I dragged my mind out of those sad thoughts and to the present.

"Would one of you mind stopping these bets and tell me what the hell is happening?" my father asked completely stunned by the sight in front of him.

* * *

(Jacob's POV)

"Jacob, do you really need an explanation?" Jack suddenly asked in a teasing voice. He had stopped kissing Janet, and was now helping her off his body. The couple stood up but Jack kept her close to his body throwing his right arm around her shoulders. "I would have thought you knew about the bees and the birds."

"Funny, Jack."

"O'Neill and DoctorFraiser are mates," Teal'c said helpfully. He really loves to state the obvious.

I rolled my eyes seeing Jack smirk. "No shit."

"They started dating a few months ago, Jacob," Daniel explained. That wasn't much information either, but at least seemed to cover the situation without breaking Jack's confidence or invading the privacy of the couple.

I guess I was still trying to process the information and it showed on my face because Teal'c decided to help again. "Upon our return from Euronda, DoctorFraiser proved to be a worthy mate for O'Neill."

_Okay, that's a weird comment._ Feeling more lost than before, I turned to glare at Jack. "Jack, can you please translate that?"

"Long story short, Jacob: Jan and I started dating a few months ago after our mission to Euronda… you know, that one with the underground-Nazis."

I observed the petite but strong doctor while Jack spoke with feigned disinterest. She didn't flinch, just squeezed his hand discretely in a supporting gesture; the movement was almost unnoticeable.

It hit me like a bulldozer.

I knew Sam would have a hard time accepting that her CO executed a man; Doctor Fraiser must have understood the need for such an action. My daughter is a scientist first and a soldier second, and I have always feared her too naïve for Jack's dark nature. This was one of my fears in relation to them getting together. I know this war will make a more homogeneous blend of soldier and scientist, but the blending process was only starting and there was no way Sam could be with someone like Jack. Neither could Jack be with someone who feared him or hated his dark side.

With that, I understood my daughter's pained look. There was no going back, Jack had found someone which whom he could share his darker side, past, actions and maybe even fears.

I congratulated them with a smile, and placed my bet on February.

"How do you know I'm even going to propose? Maybe I won't," Jack argued with us. It was obvious he had listened to our conversation even while kissing the doctor. He looked embarrassed about the situation but unwilling to admit it. The doctor slapped him playfully on the chest, and he answered smiling softly at her.

_Who was he trying to kid?_ The proposal was a matter of time, and it looked like the doctor was favorable to the idea.

"We have only just decided to move in together, you know, people? Cassie is still deciding which color she wants her new room!" He kept arguing just for the sake of it.

"Not true. She wants blue ice for the walls and blueberry for the curtains and the bed cover," Janet corrected him.

You should have seen Jack's face. I could see his frustration over the move growing exponentially in a second. I could hear him thinking: "this is why I promised myself to never move again." I knew because that was what I swore over and over again every time we moved due to my career. It was why my wife took over the decoration of our new house.

"Look, Janet, it's okay for you to take over my closet and bathroom, it's okay for Cassie to choose how to decorate her room, even if she wants to use fruits instead of colors… but don't you even think that I'm letting you paint my living room or my bedroom with any kind of weird paint with anything edible for name! We are not painting the living room with that weird trout color!"

"It's salmon," she corrected him trying to hold in her laugher.

"They've taken over my house, Jacob, I swear," the colonel exclaimed. It was clear that he wasn't as bothered as he wanted to make it look. He seemed happy with the move, even excited to build their home out of his house. But there are limits; things he just doesn't like and doesn't want in their house.

Thankfully, Janet took pity at his desperation, and after laughing at him for a few seconds, promised him to not paint anything in the house in any color he didn't approve of. I swear, he sighed in relief.

I had to admit they were a weird couple, but they were perfect for each other. Even when they were bickering about the move their eyes lit up with excitement. They were one happy couple.

I just prayed Sam could find something like that someday.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think :)**

**A/N 2: **To everyone who put this story/me in their alert/favorite lists, and to everyone who reviewed: THANKS :)


	7. Chapter 7: Mother Hen

**NOT AFRAID**

* * *

Mother Hen

**Chapter 7:** Mother Hen

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 14 - "The Curse"

* * *

Osiris escaped with Sarah Gardner's body and left a big mess to clean up.

Dr. Rayner, Daniel's friend or colleague or whatever – they didn't seem to be all that friendly in my opinion – was extremely confused by the recent events. Daniel trusted him, though. Therefore, the decision was made to give him clearance and a job in the labs in the SGC. A new archeologist for the eggheads department…

Carter was fine, pissed off because Osiris escaped but unharmed. On the other hand, Daniel was angry because he hadn't realized Osiris was inside his ex, but he was also pretty depressed. I didn't blame him in the slightest; he had lost way too much to the Goa'uld. It was going to take him a while to get on his feet again but helping Rayner adapt to the SGC seemed to be helping.

However, what really left me shaking was the scene I found when I returned to the SGC from my visit to the Alpha Site. Dr. Warner was wrapping a tight bandage around Janet's torso because Osiris had thrown her against a wall, breaking two of her ribs and bruising another three.

Janet hadn't been injured since we started dating. In fact the last time she was injured was a year ago and it had only been a sprained ankle. I wasn't used to be on this side of things, and it made me appreciate the fear and pain the family of military personnel go through in a whole new level. I'd always known how hard it was for Sara, and now Janet, to wait for me but I had never felt it. I have to say that I admire their strength and courage; I admire them.

I was going to have to get used to it, though. I was now one more of those husbands, boyfriends, or significant other waiting at home for their loved one to return unharmed from the war.

I have to admit that the process of getting used to it wasn't easy on any of us. Janet was placed on medical leave so I took a few days off to help her until she could get around the house on her own. I drove her crazy trying to care for her every need, and constantly asking if she was in pain.

After two days, she decided that we needed to do something useful before she hit me over the head with something. She was holding a frying pan so I nodded dutifully and left the kitchen just in case.

We were still moving her things to my house, no; _our_ house so we thought we could entertain ourselves sorting boxes. It worked for about a day. We work well together and most of the job had already been done, so we really didn't have much work to do. That, and my insistence on doing most of the lifting, carrying, and anything in general only got me heated glares, sarcastic comments, and another threat to hit me with something if I kept being so helpful.

In only a week, I was ready to kill her for being the horrible patient she always accuses me of being and she was ready to kill me for being the annoyingly helpful Napoleonic power monger I accuse her of being.

It was then, when I heard her yell that I was a pain-in-the-ass, Napoleonic nurse that I suddenly realized how ironic the situation was. I burst out laughing. I guess she saw the humor in the situation too because she couldn't hold her laugh in either, and soon we were both sitting on the floor laughing like mad people.

We made a deal for this kind of situation. We promised to help the other but also to back off if the injured party asked. However, the injured party must follow doctor's orders and the other was allowed to push to get that done. Also none of us were allowed to get too angry about it, and take it out on the other… at least, not much.

Deal made and a handshake to seal it, we packed our bags for a short trip to the cabin. A week alone in the wild would make for a romantic and hopefully relaxing vacation.

Plus, there aren't too many blunt objects she could use to hit me there, and the ones that are aren't breakable…

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think :)**

**A/N 2: **To everyone who put this story/me in their alert/favorite lists, and to everyone who reviewed: THANKS :)


	8. Chapter 8: Letters and Care Packages

**NOT AFRAID**

* * *

Letters and care packages

**Chapter 8:** Letters and care packages

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 18 - "The Light"

* * *

_Dear Janet,_

_It's been a long time since I last wrote a letter like this and I have absolutely no idea what to write. Not that I had a better idea then… I know you can see me shrugging from there, and that you're probably rolling your eyes at me. Don't! Please…_

_Sara used to save all my letters in a box in her side of the closet; I'm not sure if you would like it but I decided to give it a try. I'm really bad at this, so don't laugh at me if this letter is pathetic._

_Anyway, we've been here three days and I'm already bored out of my mind!_

_Daniel is working on translating the writings of the walls… In fact, it's pretty much the only thing he does all day long. Carter is playing with the light thingy, trying to figure out if we can use the power source for something or other. When she's not playing with the damn light machine, then she's playing with Daniel and the writings or her laptop. I'm sure it's an inseparable part of her body… I'm not sure if even you could remove it surgically from her hands! T spends most of his time training or helping Daniel with his translation. Loran likes to help Daniel for a few hours every day, but he also plays ball with T and I. I had to teach both of them how to play catch! It was fun, though._

_As for me, I'm up to date with the paperwork… yeah, no matter how surprising you find it; I went over everything the General sent me. Don't tell him, please. I'm bored but not THAT bored! Aside from the damn paperwork, I'm sparring with T, swimming and running along the beach… Have I ever told you that I love to run on the beach? Well, I do._

_I'm out of things worth writing down here, so I'll close it now._

_How are you and Cassie? Everything ok home? Write me back, please, I want to hear from my two favorite girls._

_ Love,_

_ . . . . Jack_

* * *

_Dear Janet and Cassie,_

_Things are still the same here. I'm still bored – no, not enough to want more paperwork to work on… yet – and I'm still doing basically the same thing than yesterday._

_How are things at home?_

_I love you and I miss you both._

_ . . . . . . . . . Love,_

_ . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack_

* * *

_Dear Janet and Cassie,_

_I love you. I miss you. I hope you are both fine._

_ . . . . . . . Love,_

_ ... .. . . . . . ... Jack_

* * *

We have been trapped on P4X-347 for over two weeks and we still have at least another week to go. We contacted the SGC every 48 hours through the MALP; and they sent us supplies and some form of entertainment - which unfortunately for Hammond, meant sending me paperwork! – once a week. Teal'c, the less affected member of SG1, travelled back and forth to escort our shipments. He took our list of needs to the General, my letters to Janet, supervised the preparation of our supplies, and of course, took my paperwork to Hammond.

After a few days in the planet, and knowing I could trust my letters to T, I got into the habit of writing a letter every night before going to bed, and by the end of the first week I had written a few … most of them no longer than 20 words. Still, I sent them back home through the stargate with my Jaffa friend and our list of supplies. When the General called that night and T returned with the supplies I got a pretty awesome surprise.

The shipment included coffee for Daniel, blue jell-o for Carter, fruit for Teal'c, and cake, a big chocolate cake! Anyway that wasn't the best of it. Daniel had a big box full of books to help with the translation, Carter had a hell of a lot of batteries for her laptop, Teal'c had enough candles to burn down the place, and I got a pretty big box from Janet and Cassie.

"What's that Jack?" Daniel asked curious about the smile on my face.

"Care package."

"From Janet, maybe?" _Damn Space-monkey, he was trying to tease me!_

"And Cassie," I told him, refusing to take the bait.

"So what's in there?" he asked again seeing as I was opening the box to take a peek.

"Uhm… a few books, a notebook, some pens, the small telescope…" I answered absentmindedly, while I inspected the contents of the box through its opening.

I felt Daniel trying to look inside the box from behind my back by craning his neck as far as possible. I glared at him trying to convey without words that the contents of my box weren't any of his business.

"Jack, that book is in Spanish, and the other in Russian! Russian!" Daniel exclaimed pointing to them. Obviously, my glare was for nothing.

"Yeah?"

"You know Spanish and Russian?" he accused.

"Yep." I was having a little too much fun messing with him, I admit.

"Then why the hell did you make me translate for you constantly when we were in Russia?!"

"Entertainment." I smirked, and he glared at me.

Then, he went back to trying to see what else was in the box. He's way too nosy for his own good, and I don't appreciate people invading my privacy. If he didn't stop, I was going to have to teach him a lesson.

"The small telescope, sir? Do you have more than one?" Carter asked ignoring my banter with the archeologist. She was already inspecting the batteries and some tools the General sent for her, and she wasn't even looking at us.

"Yes, Carter, I have two: the good one on my deck and a smaller, easily portable one. She sent the second one so I could watch the stars here." I had to smile at how thoughtful Janet's gesture was.

I took the box out of Daniel's reach brusquely and glared at him.

"Jack!" he whined. I'm not sure if it was because he wanted his gossip fix, or because I 'accidentally' stomped on his foot.

"Yes, Daniel?" I asked looking at him with my most innocent face while picking up my box to take it to what had become my room.

"C'mon, Jack, I've just discovered that you speak Spanish and Russian, and those books are both in cosmology… I want to know what else you know."

_Damn!_ _The man is the worst gossip ever!_

"Has it occurred to you, Daniel, that maybe instead of _spying_ into my _private_ mail, you should ask me?" I admit I was irritated and I let it show in my voice, but damn it, it's my mail!

"Okay. You're right, Jack. I apologize."

That stopped me; I could hear in his voice that he was sincere. I nodded to acknowledge his apology, and continued walking to my room.

"So, Jack, what other languages you know?"

I groaned. I really wanted to go and find what else was in the box, not satisfy Daniel's curiosity. "Daniel, not now. I'm going to look at this box in private. Later we can play 20 questions!"

"DanielJackson, O'Neill misses his family and desires to enjoy his 'care package' in the privacy of his quarters. I suggest we respect his wishes," Teal'c, my favorite alien ever, broke the concept in tiny little words so that my genius but clueless friend could understand it.

"Oh… of course…" He sounded embarrassed not having caught on.

* * *

Daniel came to my room a while later. He seemed pretty chastised because he even knocked before coming in. I looked up from Janet's letter and gestured for him to come in with my hand.

"I'm really sorry about before, Jack," he said a little shyly. He approached me and sat down on the floor. "I guess I didn't realize the real value the package has for you."

"It's okay, Daniel. Just try to turn down your need for gossip a little. You're Cassie's rival for the prize of gossip queen of the state of Colorado," I mocked him. I wanted to make clear that he was forgiven but also that he shouldn't repeat it.

"Hey! I'm not as bad as Cassie!" he complained. "But okay, I'll try."

"Good."

"It's just… I've never seen you this happy, Jack, and I'm really happy for you. I think I'm a little over-excited about it…"

Daniel confession took me by surprise. While I knew that this was the reason behind his constant teasing and prodding, I had never expected him to admit to it.

"Thanks, Daniel."

"I not only came here to apologize. It's lunch time and we're waiting for you," the archeologist said after a few seconds in silence.

"Okay, let me finish reading Janet's letter and I'll join you."

My insinuation that he should leave was lost to the clueless archeologist, who just stayed where he was seated on the floor. I could deal with that. However, what I couldn't deal with was his inner teenage girl trying to pick up the photograph that Janet sent me and I had left face down beside me.

"If you turn up that photo I _will_ make you an eunuch!" I said in my most cold and threatening voice.

Daniel withdrew his hand faster than he could touch one of his artifacts or drink his coffee. Then he was rambling like a blubbering teenage boy whose mom had caught him with a Play Boy, and left the room as fast as his feet could take him.

I had to make a real effort to not laugh at him!

Once I had myself under control, I gave my full attention to Janet's letter again.

* * *

_One last thing and then I'll stop with this madness. I'm sure my three page letter is boring you to tears! We found someone willing to take Loran, and she'll be there to welcome you when you gate back home._

_Now, I'm done._

_We love you. We miss you and we hope you can come back home soon._

_ Love,_

_ . . . . Janet_

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think :)**

**A/N 2: **To everyone who put this story/me in their alert/favorite lists, and to everyone who reviewed: THANKS :)


	9. Chapter 9: Reunion

**NOT AFRAID**

* * *

Reunion

**Chapter 9:** Reunion

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 18 - "The Light"

Continuation of 'Letters and Care Packages" (Chapter 8)

* * *

We spent three weeks on P4X-347; time I used to explore the place and evaluate the potential uses we could make of it.

There was a good amount of naquadah to be extracted in the mountains surrounding the castle, and as soon as I discovered this, I started to work on the logistics of creating a mining colony on the planet.

With the light out of commission, the planet was relatively safe as the Goa'uld hadn't been there in at least a century; and the palace was easily defendable with a few additions and modifications.

The area was fertile, there were some small mammals in the forests, and the water, both from the sea and the river nearby, was clean of contaminants. Thanks to Carter they would be able to use the energy source of the palace without a risk. This gave us the opportunity of creating a self-sufficient colony, or close to it, in matters of food, water, and energy.

In addition to the mining teams and the soldiers to protect them, we could also send some botanists, biologists and such to study the planet a little further. The fertile environment meant that it was possible we could find some medical herbs.

Anyway, after three long weeks trapped on P4X-347, I was more than ready to go back home.

We finally gated back home with Loran as well as bringing back everything we took from the planet: from soil samples to the dismembered lamp to be studied again by the eggheads of the base.

We sent the MALP and our things in a FRED before us. I ordered my team to cross the gate and I followed them with Loran by my side.

Our advancement down the ramp was stopped by my team frozen at the end of the ramp. I couldn't see why so I stepped in front of Loran to protect him in case something was wrong on top of weird. I called them trying to get them back to reality, and like always, T was the first one to react. He stepped aside to let me pass by him.

It was then that I saw _her_.

In her long and beautiful letter, Janet said that they had found someone to take Loran in. Yet, I would have never expected the woman in front of me.

Janet stood by her side giving me that little knowing grin that let me know exactly how well she understood me. She knew I was in shock, but a happy kind of shock. I instantly knew that Loran's new guardian was perfect for the job, and Loran will do a world of good for her. This was a perfect solution.

I looked at both women standing side by side, sharing the same knowing grin, both of them practically reading my thoughts. Was Janet here to welcome me, support me knowing that I was probably attached to Loran already, or to support her? Or both?

For a second I considered that having those two become friends may not be a very good thing, especially for me. But after taking another good look at them, I decided that it made me happy. It gave me a sense of peace that I hadn't expected. I made peace with a very big part of my past.

I must have been rooted to the spot long enough to try their patience because Janet nodded at me encouraging me to move and do something.

I walked towards them, hugged Janet briefly, just a promise of a proper and private 'hello'. I turned to look at the woman by her side. I hesitated a few seconds, but then…

I hugged _her_ tightly.

* * *

The still stunned team members exchanged questioning glances.

"She is here to take custody of Loran," General Hammond explained to them.

They nodded absently, still a little baffled by the scene unfolding in front of them.

"Do you think that Janet is okay with this?" Sam asked waving at her CO still hugging the other woman.

"She is confident that O'Neill's heart is hers," T answered solemnly.

"That's a lot of confidence, Teal'c," Sam pointed out.

The Jaffa, however, merely bowed his head without further argument, and Sam suspected this was one more reason why he approved of Janet as the Colonel's 'mate'.

* * *

"Loran, come down here," I called the boy breaking the hug.

He walked towards us, and I introduced them to each other. "Loran, this woman is going to take care of you now that you're going to live on Earth. Her name is Sara."

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think :-)**

**A/N: **This was one of most difficult chapters to write. I've read it over and over again trying to get it right changing one little thing here or there, sometimes only to change it back again the next time I read it. So please, review and let me know if you liked it.

**A/N 2: **To everyone who put this story/me in their alert/favorite lists, and to everyone who reviewed: THANKS :)


	10. Chapter 10: Friends

**NOT AFRAID**

* * *

Friends

**Chapter 10:** Friends

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 19 - "Prodigy"

References to 'Letters and Care Packages" (Chapter 8) and 'Reunion' (chapter 9)

* * *

I walked into the mess hall intending to have lunch before leaving to M4C-862 with Teal'c to babysit some scientists.

Dr. Hamilton and his team were studying the moon and conducting numerous experiments in the facilities built there. Major Griff and SG2 were on babysitting duty right now, but my presence was required because the SGC was considering creating a permanent research facility on the moon. We need a permanent and secure research facility out of reach of the NID and their corrupted fingers. This particular moon seems like a good place on paper, but off-world bases must have my approval and are part of my responsibilities as second in command of the SGC, and I won't give the go-ahead before I've seen it with my own eyes.

However, it's a task that I'm not enthusiastic to do… not at all! Hamilton is one of the most arrogant, annoying, and idiotic eggheads of the program!

Carter and Daniel were lucky; they get to skip this boring mission. Daniel was with SG11 investigating some weird ruins and artifacts they'd found, and Carter was giving a lecture about physics at the Academy. Thank God at least T was coming with me! Without my Jaffa friend, I don't think I could go through the mission without killing Hamilton before he gets himself killed doing something stupid that I probably told him not to do. I hate the guy!

Anyway, I needed to have lunch before leaving for what was going to be a boring and annoying mission. When I got to the mess, I saw Ferretti having his lunch so, after getting my food, I joined him.

"So how are things at home, Jack? How's Loran? Is he adjusting to us crazy Tau'ri?"

"Loran is adjusting just fine. He and Cassie have become friends; they're constantly hanging around together with Cass and her friends… Of course, I taught him how to play street hockey. The three of us play as often as their vital commitments with their teenage friends allows," I explained with no small amount of sarcasm.

"And Sara? How's she handling the hormonal alien?"

"Surprisingly well. She went back to the role of mom like a pro. She's doing a great job. It's done a lot of good for her too; she's smiling a lot more."

I knew it was true. I've seen her often since Loran came to live on Earth and I've seen how happy she is being a mother again. Caring for Loran is helping her more than I can explain with words.

"Good, that's good. I'm glad you two are happy," Lou said sincerely. I could see that he was really pleased for Sara and me.

After a small pause, Ferretti spoke again, "So the alien teens are getting close, eh? Not enough to get you worried, right?" He looked a little worried about it. "Because if you think Loran needs to talk with Uncle Ferretti about being a good boy to my honorary niece…" he added somewhat menacingly.

I had to laugh hearing my friend say that. Poor Cass, she had a base full of Special Ops 'uncles' ready to threaten any possible suitor who wasn't up to the standards of these people or Janet and I. And of course, a very scary Jaffa auto-proclaimed godfather, and me. I almost felt sorry for her future boyfriends… almost.

"They're friends, kind of like cousins… they've both lost their world and they like talking about things. Sara told me the other day that Loran is dating a cute blonde called Miranda, in fact. She's one of Cass' friends."

"Good. Cass is not dating anyone, right?" Again it was 'Uncle Ferretti' talking.

"Nope, thank god! But there's a guy in her group of friends that I think is just trying to muster enough courage to ask her out… Dominic something or other."

"Well, if he ever musters enough courage, you know where to find me!"

I smirked and nodded at him. I have to admit I was pleased to know that I could get a small army to scare any boyfriend Cass gets.

"So… How's Janet, Jack? I saw Sara and Janet having coffee together the other day… exchanging tips about how to control you?" Lou teased me now that he was satisfied knowing that everything was well in the O'Neill-Fraiser household.

"Funny, Lou, very funny," I answered sarcastically.

"Oh, c'mon Jack… you got to admit that it's one very especial situation you have there."

"Tell me about it! Sara told Janet about the little gifts I would hide in the house when I was gone, and now Janet wants me to do romantic things for her. Apparently that was very romantic of me," I complained. "I was in my twenties when I did that, I would have thought that at forty-four a nice dinner and dancing in a romantic restaurant was more appropriate."

Ferretti chuckled and I glared at him trying to get him to stop. "I don't think age is a factor for Janet here," he said trying his best to control his laugher. "Maybe you should do something romantic for her when you finish your babysitting duties."

Again his mocking was obvious and I glared at him harder than before to no avail. "Okay, what would have me do, Don Juan?"

"I don't know, Jack, you're the romantic one."

"Oh, that was helpful, Lou, very helpful of you," I answered sarcastically and glaring at him trying to convey that if he didn't stop mocking me there would be consequences.

"Okay, don't shoot me, Jack," he said raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. It would have been easier to believe if he wasn't smirking unrepentantly.

"You could always propose this summer, you know take her to some beautiful place, and…"

"Oh, for crying out loud! You have a bet on that too!"

"Don't look at me like that, Jack. Even the general has money on it."

I groaned in embarrassment at the idea that everyone in the damn base, including the general were betting on my love life. I'm going to kill Daniel, T and maybe even Jacob, for starting the bet.

"Because you're going to propose, right Jack? You two are happy; you're already living together and everything…"

"Yes, I will propose when I'm ready to do so," I answered firmly. I refuse to let anyone bully us into it just because there's a bet to pay.

"Hey! Don't get me wrong, I'm just joking, not gonna bully you into it… But I know you well enough, Jack, to know that you want rings and the whole nine yards. I'm not saying it has to be tomorrow, I'm only saying that as long as it's on the cards I'm happy for you," Lou said honestly.

I nodded accepting his words at face value and muttered a 'thanks'.

"And now, Lou, I must go and babysit some scientists on M4C-yada yada…"

"Hamilton, right?" Lou asked and I gave him an affirmative nod. "My condolences… that guy is the most annoying egghead in the galaxy!"

I left the commissary more relaxed than I entered it after my friendly talk with Ferretti. He is a good friend, and his concern for me is always appreciated. He's also one of the few men in the base capable of teasing me because we had been friends for years now, and that was always quite refreshing.

Sadly my stress-free feeling was immediately lost the moment I came face to face with Hamilton. From then on, everything went south. The mission just went from annoying to dangerous, to deathly dangerous. Thankfully, Carter came up with a way of getting off that damned moon alive, and we all survived.

Hamilton was quite contrite upon our return to the SGC, grateful, respectful… he almost looked like a different man. He also seemed afraid of Janet. He turned white the moment she asked what happened to me in a voice that clearly showed her annoyance and anger at seeing that someone got injured while on a regular babysitting mission.

I found it very amusing how he ran away from the infirmary yet tried to make it look like he wasn't running. I made a conscious effort not to laugh at the guy, and I swear I saw the general trying to hide a smirk. No one really likes Hamilton except for Hamilton.

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**Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think :-)**

**A/N: **This was a fun, sweet chapter, but next one will be darker. We'll deal with Jack's feelings after the events of "Entity".

**A/N 2: **To everyone who put this story/me in their alert/favorite lists, and to everyone who reviewed: THANKS :)


	11. Chapter 11: Soldier

**NOT AFRAID**

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Soldier

**Chapter 11:** Soldier

**Season/episode:** season 4 - episode 20 - "Entity"

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Today I killed Carter.

I know that I didn't really kill her; the entity controlling her body put her in its nest so I killed it instead of Carter. However, I did shoot my second in command with a zat twice which should have killed her. For a few hours we believed she was dead.

The entity tricked us. After studying our files, it concluded that Carter and Daniel would want to talk with it, Carter would volunteer, then it could possess her. It expected this to ensure its survival and that of its world. My instincts told me from the start that trying to talk with the entity was a very bad idea. Daniel and Carter wanted to try to talk with it though, so we gave them the opportunity.

The entity was a soldier sent by the beings of P4X-377 to destroy us in order to protect their world. By sending the MALP to its world we contaminated it, damaging the entities that inhabit the planet. One of their own came to destroy us, but when we stopped the transmission, it couldn't do it. It was forced to find a plan B.

When I finally understood it, I knew how I could get it out of Carter's body: threatening to destroy its world. I ordered the entity to leave Carter's body or I'd send dozens of MALPs to its world to cause as much destruction as I could. I expected it to return to the nest built in the MALP's room and free Carter. The entity knew that I was going to kill it; it knew the price to pay to save its world was Carter's freedom and its life. It must have been unable to do so, because it put Carter in the nest and forced me to kill it while still in her body.

At that point, I didn't know Carter was in the nest so I thought I was killing my second in command. I've sworn to protect my subordinates, to never leave them behind, and I was forced to execute my second.

The guilt, the sadness, the regret I felt was as strong as it was when I ordered Teal'c to kill Kawalsky. Like him, Carter trusted me to protect her, to have her back. The only thing I could do was kill her.

It was even worse, Kawalsky had made it plain and clear he wanted to be killed if we couldn't get the goa'uld out of him. I was, in some way, respecting his wishes. Having his back then, had been killing him. But Carter had wanted to talk with the entity. She didn't see the risk; just like Daniel, she had believed it was a nice lost alien. Would she have understood why I had to kill it? Why I threatened to destroy its world? Could she understand why I killed her?

I can't describe the relief I felt when we discovered that she was alive, and we were able to return her conscious mind to her body.

Yet, I was full of doubts. I had killed Carter. Could she trust me after that? Only a few months ago, she had seen how much darkness was hidden in the back of my mind; she discovered that I could execute a man. She had never before seen the sniper, the assassin in me. And she had been afraid of him. Now she had seen him again, and this time directed at her or more accurately the entity inside her. But would she see the difference? I'm having a hard time doing it. Can I really expect her to see it?

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When I finally got back home, it was way past midnight, and Cassie was already sleeping. The house was dark, so Janet was probably sleeping too – we drive separate cars to the base to avoid the both of us getting stranded every time one of us was needed – as she left the base in time for dinner.

I was only partly right. Cassandra was indeed sleeping, and Janet was in our room but she wasn't sleeping. She was in bed, but still awake reading a book. She was obviously waiting for me.

She ordered me to have a warm shower, and when I came back in the shorts and t-shirt that she had left for me in the bathroom, a large glass of Scotch was waiting for me on my nightstand.

I got inside the bed, and rested against the headboard. Janet turned the dim lamp of her nightstand off knowing that I could manage in a dark room without trouble.

"That's the only one you're getting. I know the last time you ate was before the entity took control of Sam," she ordered firmly. I knew she meant it, and also that she was right, so I didn't argue, I just nodded.

I grabbed her hand in mine, and she came close to me, fusing her body to mine. She rested her head on my chest and I felt her drift into sleep within minutes.

I found myself thinking about Sara… and fear. I've seen fear in the eyes of many people when they looked at me in the past. Surprisingly, I never saw it in Sara or in Janet. Maybe Ferretti was right, and we weren't that far away from the rings and the vows.

Anyway, feeling Janet sleep so close to me helped me relax and find some semblance of peace. I did what I had to do, and I'll have to find a way to heal my team, to rebuild what had been broken, but I think we'll make it. Teal'c understood so no problem there; Daniel was bound to be angry but if I gave him time to think, he would understand too; and Carter will find a way to trust me again like she had always done. She hadn't always liked my decisions, sometimes she had despised them, but she has always trusted and respected me as an officer, even when she hadn't liked me much. SG1 was strong team, we'll heal in time.

Until then I'll have Janet's silent and unwavering support. With that last thought, I dragged both our bodies into the sheets, and drifted to sleep hoping against hope for a dreamless sleep.

At least I knew that Janet would be there when the nightmares came.

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**Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think :-)**

**A/N: **To everyone who put this story/me in their alert/favorite lists, and to everyone who reviewed: THANKS :-)

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**kahuna:** Thanks for your reviews. I'm glad to hear that you find my story well-written and plausible; that you're enjoying my story.

As for Daniel, I'm happy to find someone who can see how arrogant he was in that episode... Janet was, in my mind, the perfect one to read him the riot act, so I'm pleased that you liked her too.


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